With Jesus in the boat we can smile at the storm.

The title of this post refers to a hymn we used to sing in primary school assembly. It always gives me a mental image of a cartoon like Jesus sitting in a wooden fishing boat, wearing a yellow waterproof mac being tossed about by a storm, it makes me giggle. This is possibly one of my favourite songs from school, that and the song we used to sing at harvest time about broad beans sleeping in a blankety bed. Now if I remember correctly there was also a line about beetroot,cauliflower and mushrooms, but I can't for the life of me remember what the song was called. My guess is, whoever composed it had probably been eating a few too many mushrooms themselves.

It's been raining since like forever now. Rain is nice if you have nothing to do, but can bugger things up if you have plans. Rain always makes me want to stay in bed, nice warm and dry.

This morning I dragged myself out of bed, it is my day off so I didn't want to waste it. When I looked out of the window, I was greeted with the view that the animals on Noah's ark were probably greeted with. Rain, rain, rain, rain, and more RAAAIIIN!

Guess which silly sod hasn't got an umbrella? Yes, me. I always mean to get one but then it goes sunny. Ex umbrelllas that I have owned in the past always seem to want to desert me and blow inside out at crucial times, i.e when I'm laden down with shopping bags crossing a really busy road and the rain is at its heaviest. I have never had a decent relationship with the things.

..I am aware that as I am writing this the rain has actually stopped. But now it's too late to do the things that I wanted to do in the day. I wanted to go the art gallery and see some of the new exhibitions, I probably would have gone but I was kind of worried at the fact I would get soaking wet walking in the rain and resemble a drowned rat. I wouldn't mind but I made an effort to look nice today, a nice dress, cardigan etc. All gone to waste. I have sat in all afternoon and not done much it has been relaxing though! So I suppose it's ok.

Actually I lie, I did go to asda where I got some grapes for 75p and some asparagus for 45p. Now if it wasn't for the rain, I never would have bagged those bargains.

A few things I have learnt today.

They are:

1) It always rains when I have plans.

2) They have moved the rice cakes in ASDA, it took me ten minutes to find them.

3) Weight watchers bacon is not that nice and doesn't really taste bacony. I was rather dissapointed.

4) I need to buy an umbrellla, but I refuse to pay £6 for one.

5) I need my fringe cutting by a hairdresser, if i attempt to do it again it will almost certainly go wrong.

6) It isn't good to stick your hand under a grill for too long when it is on.

5) Don't wear a dress in the rain, it gets all soggy.

Oh I forgot to say, yesterday we (the people I shall be living with in september) went to victoria halls to sign for the flat. Finally. This means that now I am broke, but happy. Only a few weeks to go now until we move in. hurrah.

Rice cakes

I really love rice cakes.
I am trying to eat healthily along with exercise in the hope of losing some weight that Isn't needed. I want to be able to maintain it, rather than just give up in a few weeks time when I get fed up or annoyed with myself.

I have been eating things like rice and veg with fish or chicken for tea, or as some people like to call it dinner. Wierdos.
Anyway here is were the rice cakes come in, I usually have rice cakes and fruit for breakfast. I'm finding though that my choice of rice cake topping is getting a little boring, it's either low fat cream cheese or mashed up banana.

Does anyone know of any nice imaginative toppings, that work well on an otherwise boring rice cake? Nothing to watery though, soggy rice cake is rubbish.

Another day.

Toothache
I would be a rubbish nurse. I have had an awful nights sleep tossing and turning, then at 4.36am (I checked on my phone) I was woke up by some little noises that sounded like a wounded animal. It took me about a minute to realise it was Ben laying next to me fidgeting around with his face in the pillow, it turns out he had tootache.

Half asleep I got myself out of bed and spent a good five minutes searching for ibuprofen and paracetamol. Why is it they always seem to be lying around, but when you need them they can never be found. Anyway I shoved on a dessing gown, not really bothering that it wasn't tied or that if someone saw me in the kitchen they would have a shock at the state of my bed hair. So I went and got him some water and tablets and hoped to get back into the nice comfy bed.

He was still in pain though, so I come up with the suggestion of me going to ASDA to get him some anbesol to make it numb. I said this but didn't think Ben would say yes. Now the time was nearing 5am. I was just about to slip on my jeans and drag my sorry ass off to asda, when I remembered a carrier bag full of bits and bobs (mainly junk, fake tan corector wipes and medicine) that I bought from the house when I moved out. It contained anbesol - HURRAH!! I knew there was a reason I kept items that I never really use.

A few blobs of that on his tooth, and I'm guessing it worked it's numbing magic as he was out for the count. Shame about me though, I've been practically nudged out of bed and i'm sleeepy. Anyway hopefully when he wakes up the toothache has gone, otherwise it'll be a lovely day spent in the dentist.

Victoria halls
For the past few weeks we have been getting a bit stressed about moving into the new halls. We have had the forms for a good two months or so now, but we never seemed to decide on a day when we would hand them in. Then last week the Express and star has to go and print a story about the halls facing closure before it even opens. This added more stress as no one from the halls had told us anything, and we were left wondering what would happen. I didn't want to live in a house again, and uni accomodation is grotty.

They said that if the Gas canisters stored in carvers building yard were to blow then the halls would fall in the blast zone. Which obviously means that the building would face damage, therefore posing a risk to life. Feeling a bit nervous and wanting answers Ben, Nikita, Rob and myself went to the halls office and spoke with the manager. He said basically that its a pile of bull. Well i'm hoping it is anyway. He said that the buildings that have already been built are not in the blast zone. But they also got permission to build an extra block D, and if they were to go ahead with that extra building now, then that would be the one to fall in the zone. I hope this is true and that we are not being fed a few lines. So It would appear that we are safe to move in, the forms will be in next Tuesday all done and dusted, hopefully without any niggles.

Bye bye university overpriced for what you get halls. Hello luxury student accomodation.


After feeling my jeans getting tighter I am now on weight watchers, I am doing it by myself and sticking to the 'points' and weighing myself once a week. I can't justify spending £6 a week going to the classes, and having someone read the scales for you and to make you feel like crap if you have only lost a pound or two. As it's the summer I have no excuse not to exercise either, I just pity the people around west park who will have to see me all red faced as I jog my way around. Maybe one day I will work up to a run.

Fajitas

Does cooking fajitas work just as well in a normal pan? Ben has gone and thrown away the wok. Yes I may have burnt it the other night, but im sure the burnt bit would have come clean if i washed it.
Instead the Gok wok as he calls it, is in with the rubbish and I don't really fancy getting it out. I don't want to start cooking the peppers and chicken and stuff in a normal pan if it ain't really going to work.
Blummin eck.

Friday

Today turned out to be a productive one, although im an idiot and forgot to ring student loan company yet again. I must write a note to myself reminding me not to forget.

It was funny to see my mates rushing to hand resit work in today. I too was in that position last year and it made me smile inside to think I wouldn't have to go through the whole resit process again, that I can just enjoy summer without bricking it about passing the year or not. One of my mates failed last year like me and had to resit it this year. But also has had to do some resits again for the resit year. I feel a bit bad on her and hope the lazy arse passes.

Kat, Abi and myself all went citizens advice to see if there was anything we could do about 'selfish' I don't want to give to much away. Not that she will ever read this, but there is something we can do. She is probably sat at home with a right smug grin on her face, thinking she is going to get way without paying anything. Well she isn't, and I cant wait to see that grin wiped off her face. To be fair the three of us could just pay her share of the bills and be done with it, but why should we when we dont owe the money. And I don't want to give her the satisfaction of getting away with it, when we are trying to co-operate with her and all she is doing is being a complete bitch.

..It was a lovely sunny day today, was going to go the park but instead I got myself some sale bargains. It seems lots of places have sales at the minute, probably just desperate for the money. I got two bras, and a tshirt for myself and Ben and myself a pair of jeans each, all for £30! Good or what!

I decided on getting a new pair of trousers for the funeral, they will also come in handy for work. Although the shortest pair I could find claimed to be a 29 inch leg. I think this is crap though as when I tried them on they scrape across the floor, im 5ft 3 so a 29'' leg shouldn't be that long on me. It really irritates me that shops sell trousers claiming to be 29'', 32'' or whatever when they are not. So anyway I will have to wear heels with them, or find myself a stretching wrack and make myself grow by about three inches.

Emma Ben and myself then went to the carvery for a nice bit of gammon and turkey, veg potatoes and all that malarky. I think I have gone off green beans, just thought you may like to know.

Thats about it really.

Don't you just love an automated voice.

After being put on hold for 20 minutes, and being told by an automated welsh voice, '' we are sorry for the delay but we are experiencing a high demand of calls right now, if you would like to hold we will put you through to an advisor''. I finally got through to the dimwits at the tax office just as I was about to give up and put the phone down. Hurrah.

Since the start of time (March) I have been trying to reclaim my tax money back since I was being emergency taxed since September, and without fail everytime I have been fobbed off with something like 'ring back in a week', or 'the system is down'. Today on the phone I decided to use a more firm tone of voice, I don't know if it was that what worked. Or maybe I had just been put through to the only helpful person who works there, but either way it's all been sorted now. Thank God!

Now it's just the pesky student loans to deal with uh - oh. I have left it so late to apply, I probably won't receive any form of financial help until the year 2087. It's my own fault really, but if the process wasn't so god damn long I think I would have done it months ago. And really to be honest I am known to be a bit lazy so that probably doesn't help.

I didn't do much today apart from ring the tax people and go to ASDA for bananas, honey and mushy peas. Although Ben went to Birmingham today with James, for a meeting about working with a charity for the disabled. Its just starting off and is all very exciting, promoting disability awareness and things and giving talks.
If you are reading this Ben I am really proud of you and what you are doing, now don't be getting a big head!

The funeral for Grandad Harry is on Wednesday, and i'm stuck over what to wear. I know it isn't a fashion show and no one will care, but still I want to look half respectable and not like a scruffbag. I can scrub up fairly well when I make an effort.

Its either black trousers with a black ruffled blouse and heels.
OR
Black ruffled blouse with a grey pencil skirt and black heels
OR
Black skirt and black smart top thingy and black heels.

Tomorrow I face a fun filled day with Kat and Abi. This will involve a trip to citizens advice to see what if anything can be done about my ex housemate 'selfish', and her lack of decency when It comes to paying her share of the bills.

Let the battle commence I say.

Grandad

Good old facebook eh. A few hours ago I found out of my grandads death via my sisters status. Today , four days after the stroke his body finally gave in and he stopped the fighting. I am happy family were given the time to go and say goodbye to him. Although he passed away in hospital, it is a nice reassuring feeling to know that he was with all of his daughters when he went from this world to another place.

I am not big on religion at this stage in my life, maybe it could be seen by some as me just being ignorant. Maybe it is, I don't know. Maybe as I get older my views will change. I am an open person and accepting of many things, it's just that I don't really believe there is a God as such. I don't think there is one being that put us all here. I also don't believe that there is a heaven with angels and clouds an cherubs sitting on harps. I think it is a picturesque place made up by the people who want reassurance at a time of loss and vunerability.

On the other hand, at times when I have dealt with loss within the family, I find it nice to think that the spirit of the deceased person has gone somewhere else to be at rest. I'm just not to sure were although in my mind it isn't picturesque heaven. Just somewhere better, where the persons spirit and personality can go when the body is tired and has given up.

I do believe in spirits and ghosts, I think a spirit goes on forever. How I don't know, I just think that there is a better place to be than earth. But then again, maybe i'm just trying to reasuure myself along with the 'heaven' believers that when someone dies, it just doesn't stop and end there. As the idea of heaven allows for a journey to continue rather than stop.

The body is just a case, personality character and spirit fill it. So although my grandads body has stopped working and is dead in the in the hospital. I know that that isn't him. His skin bones and false teeth didn't make him what he was. But the things he accomplished, the people who he loved his personailty and fighting spirit, they are the things that made him such a great man.
I am so happy that I was part of his family and had 20 years of knowing him.

So hours after his death and wherever his spirit has gone to, I hope it is somewhere where it deserves to be.

Cineworld staff what a bunch of morons!

Ben and I decided on going to see transformers last night. Well I say decided, that was the only subtitled film showing at cineworld Wolverhampton. Its a bit pathetic really, don't they think that deaf people go to the cinema. I'm not even deaf or hard of hearing ,but I am annoyed at the lack of choice of films that are shown with subtitles at that cinema. It would appear that there is only one subtitled film shown per week with one allocated time slot. So all in all pretty crap if you are deaf like Ben. It would appear deaf people cannot have choice when visiting the cinema.

So transformers it was, to be honest it was more my insistence on seeing something with subtitles that we ended up sitting through that wretched film. Although with his hearing aids, he may be able to hear a little bit but not much. I like watching a film with him that has the subtitles because I know that then we are both enjoying it and he can follow it and its nice to see him laugh at the parts everyone else does as he can follow it. It's just a shame transformers isn't funny. It's really really lame. Megan Fox yes she is hot, but my main problem is that her character wore white skinny jeans throughout the film, whilst racing through and rolling around in the desert. Sorry but there is no way on earth they would stay white, yet they managed to stay sparkling throughout. Which for me made the action scenes unconvincing.

Back to the subtitles anyway, as we were queuing I thought I best check it was deffo the subtitled viewing, it would appear the total utter moron behind the desk didn't have a clue what planet she was on never mind anything else. Her reply to my 'this is the subtitles viewing isn't it?' was .....errrm I dunno. She then proceeded to look through the booklet and after about 5 minutes said 'ermm yeah well its supposed to be'. She then called over some bloke called Raj 'The manager' he was just as helpful with his. ' Well yeah its supposed o be, but if you get in there and it isn't well then after the film you can have a refund'.

Well thanks for your help you donkey, that's no good if my deaf boyfriend has to sit through a film he can't follow you utter utter prat. That's what I felt like saying, but I just thought it instead.

Thankfully when the film started it was subtitled, if not i might have hurt someone. When some woman across the cinema gives the loudest disapproving tut ever and goes ' oh god whaaaat', as soon as subtitles appear. I could have thrown my tortillas at her, how bloody ignorant can one person be. This was the only showing a person who is deaf or hard of hearing could have gone to see, if she had a problem then why not go to one of the other 8 showings throughout the day and not go through the obvious torment of having to follow the words at the bottom of the screen the stupid cow. No one else seemed to have a problem with it. Oh it really made me angry inside.
I hoped she disliked the film as much as I did. The best part of the film was eating my chocolate and the end for obvious reasons.
The next subtitled they decide to show, better be good.

It's all been going on lately

After two weeks without Ben I was really starting to miss him, I was also missing running round cooking and telling him to remember stuff. I missed giving him a morning kiss before I headed out everyday, and missed seeing his computer screen permanently on the Red Cafe website as I walked past his laptop. So it was really nice to have him back on Friday, nice new haircut and all.

I am not a material person and don't expect presents all the time, but I have made a point on several occasions that no one has ever bought me flowers before. So it was a really lovely suprise when Ben comes back and on greeting him at the door, hands me a gorgeous bunch of pink red and white roses. They got put into the water filled sink with good intention of finding a home for them at a later point. With hindsight they should have just stayed there. Several hours later as I was sorting them into a glass on the shelf above the sink, the glass fell and smashed a hole in the sink!! well chipped a hole in the sink and somehow has put a hole in the bottom of it. Major UH OH! I feel so bad especially as it is Ben's room, as they were my flowers I am going to pay whatever the uni decide to charge for the repair/new sink. Im just living in dread of how much that is going to be, what with the 'uni' costs being considerably higher than any other cost of repair. I'll probably end up prostituting myself around west park in order to pay for it (joking).
Meanwhile the sink is only half out of use, becuase the water is still running from one side without leaking out of the bottom. So until we have the courage to tell residential services, it is staying like that. Anyone know any good sink fixing tips that you want to share, then I'm all ears.

Apart from the sink drama the day had been lovely, the sun was shining and I was so so happy.Until I got a phone call off my mum about my great grandad Harry - although he isn't really called Harry, he's called Henry not that it makes a blind bit of difference.
He has suffered from another major stroke on Friday morning. Now in my eyes this man is amazing, a giant, one of those people you never see as being weak, although he suffered a first stroke 11 years ago he was still going strong and we all realised we were lucky to have him. Although his speech wasn't great and he couldnt move much, we could tell what he wanted from the gestures he made or the way in which he tried to change the tone of his voice especially when the football was on and someone tresspassed past the vision of the t.v.

I remember once at a family birthday meal, we were all eating and grandad started choking on a roast potato. Unable to move himself, all the family raced around him trying to lift him out of his wheelchair and whacking his back, scared he was choking to death. After the potato dislodged he just sat there chuckling whislt continuing to eat. Not bothered about the trauma he had just put us all through. As my uncle Brian said, 'Bloody hell Harry thought I was guna be able to get my fitted kitchen then'....may I just add he was joking!

I loved the way his eyes used to light up when he saw any of us grandchildren and he would grab our hands and go 'ahh'. Disabled or not he was still our grandad, he still expressed the same emotions to us all, just in a different way.
So to hear he has suffered another stroke is devastating, the family have told that he is going to die, and that it is just a matter of time. Apparently he was read his last rites on Friday evening, but now on monday evening he is still with us and not giving in, im pleased the family are with him and he is not on his own. Mum has called and said his breathing is getting worse so will just be a matter of time. I think we are all prepared for him to finally go now and be at peace, there is no need for him to fight anymore although he doesn't seem to be giving in. Almost like an iron man. Everytime I hear he is still with us, it is happy news although it gives me hope that he is going to stay alive even though I know deep down that is not going to happen. When the time does come it will be a very very sad day not just for the family but everyone who knew him.

To add to this my ex very very very very uncooperative housemate is refusing to pay any of the final bills we have recieved since the termination of our house contract. She doesn't read this but I shall not name names, I'll just call her selfish.
The bills we have recieved go from April until end of June. Selfish moved out on the 19th may or some date around then, so tell me if im wrong but I think it is fair that she pays part of the bill atleast. But it would appear that she is not going to pay any! the rotten cow. And because she escaped putting her name on any of the bills, unlike me and my other housemates. I don't think there is anything I can do to get her to pay her part. (If anyone knows of anything I can do to get the money off her let me know) So short of getting her in a headlock and battering her to get the money out of her, me and my far to patient housemates will have to pay her part of the bills, which means £120 each instead of £87. . . . god I hate selfish so much. What a cow. I am a patient person, but she has continued to push my buttons so much so that now they are jammed stuck and are never going to be released.

Well I believe in what goes around comes around, so I can't wait for something bad to come and whack her in the mush.

Apart from grandad and selfish oh and sink everything else is ok. It is mine and Ben's 6 month anniversary together today, so we are off to the cinema to watch erm....not to sure yet. But ill let you know what we decide on and whether it was any good or not.

Cheerio.